i stopped blogging...i'm ashamed.

i'm going to start using punctuation. i was boycotting before. (bad childhood experience with a semicolon in a grammar-bee)

I'm going to also start using capital letters at the beginning of sentence from now on.

maybe.

I was again trying to make a statement. (something about capitalism or something)

...shutup

when people make weird noises in class that resemble flatulence, how come they do it like 9 more times? what exactly is going on in that person's head?

"this sound i just made with the rubber sole of my shoe sounded like me farting."

here are my options:

a. announce, "i didn't just fart!" (no one will believe you)

b. repeat it forever until everyone looks down at your foot and they realize, "oh phew. i thought mike farted. i almost thought he was insane and let bodily noises come from his body! ...what a creep"

c. be silent.

if you picked b, you're a normal human being!

(SEGUE)

Today, i attempted to put a disposable paper seat down on a public toilet. It was being unruly and independent (being the inanimate object will free will that it is), so I just decided against using the bathroom.

...my theatre history class was very uncomfortable.

(SEGUE)

I need to get my hairs cut soon...all of them. Haircuts are wounds for me.

The following list is a list of things I'd rather do than be slaughtered by a barber:

1. drink a bottle of lysol

2. run dental floss through my color

3. quadruple bag my tea, then attempt to explain my foreign policy plan

4. play the guitar with my penis

5. play the guitar without my penis.

6. have sex with the television on, and no one complains, because both of us are kind of watching it and it's the season premiere, so who's complaining you know? (but that's just an obvious one :)

7. homework

8. a small, diseases reptile

9. rosie o'donnell

10. segue into pro-mccain rants from random conversations

11. vote for mccain

12. get a genital piercing

13. drink an o'doul's non-alcoholic beer (like...what?!?)

maybe i'll just grow my hair,

because apparently if i don't I'll wind up a conservative trisexual corpse. there aren't many left on the planet actually.

if you vote for mccain, you're voting for palin, because mccain won't last another month. (not a threat, CNN!)